DEAR HARRIET: I’m 24 and recently got braces for adults because orthodontics was too expensive for my family when I was younger.
My boyfriend of two years subtly hinted not to take them. he said my teeth were fine and I didn’t need braces. While I agree my teeth alignment was fine, I had a deep bite and brittle teeth, which were my insecurities. Now that I have a decent job and can afford it, I decided to work on myself.
However, my boyfriend started making nasty comments about my braces, saying I look weird and my mouth is uncomfortable to look at. He does this in public while making irritated faces. When I told him it was indiscreet, he blew it off, saying it wasn’t a big deal.
He is usually very charming and responsible.
I really like my boyfriend, but I’m not sure if I can stay with someone who makes fun of my physical appearance. Also, he is very vocal about not being attracted to “fat girls” and my recent weight gain has me concerned.
— Adult braces
DEAR ADULT SIGNS: You are sensitive and your boyfriend is critical. This is a recipe for hurt feelings.
Keep taking care of yourself. Aligning your teeth is smart for the future. Take care of your overall health, too — for you, not him. And if he doesn’t stop teasing you, take that as a sign to move on.
DEAR HARRIET: My husband has recently expressed a strong desire to have another child, but I don’t want it at all.
We already have two wonderful children, a 5 year old and a 6 year old and I feel like they are more than enough to handle right now.
One of the major issues contributing to my reluctance to have another child is that my husband is not much of a dad. While he loves our children, he doesn’t do much to help with their day-to-day care.
I am the one who manages their schedules, handles school and extracurricular activities, takes care of them when they are sick, and makes sure all their needs are met. I often feel like I’m parenting alone and it’s exhausting.
I tried to talk to my husband about how I was feeling, explaining that adding another child to our family would increase my workload and stress levels. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to fully understand or appreciate the gravity of my concerns.
He thinks having another child would bring more joy and fulfillment to our family, but I’m afraid it would just push me further into a state of constant exhaustion and overwhelm.
Is there a way to compromise or am I being unreasonable in refusing to have another child?
— Another child
DEAR ANOTHER CHILD: Create some expectations from your husband to help with the children you have.
Make a reasonable to-do list for him to help lighten your burden. Tell him that if he can commit to actively and consistently helping with childcare, you can consider having another child. See what happens.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyles and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people access and activate their dreams. Questions may be sent to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
